When Dad Loses His Independence

When Dad loses His Independence

You hoped the day would never come. Your dad was always the go to person. He was the rock. Taking care of mom and everybody else. Now he needs care and is resistant. Every time you try to bring up the fact he needs help he gets angry. You are exhausted doing all of the work yourself. You are taking care of two households- his and your own because he wants to live in his own home. You understand his desire and you want to help but you are only one person trying to do everything!  Why can't he see that you need to hire someone to help? Why can't he just accept help.

The truth is dad is grieving and so are you. He has lost his independence and you have lost  you dad, the rock, the solid anchor you could always count on.


So how do you move forward. You are exhausted and cannot go on this way much longer. Here are three suggestions that may help.

1. Bring in someone your dad respects to talk to him. It could be a trusted friend, a pastor, financial advisor or it may be one of the daughter or son-in laws that he has a special connection with. This is not the time to get territorial. If he will open up to and listen  to your sister in law more than to you, so what? Sometimes it is easier to admit that your health is failing to someone you do not have that deep connection with. Remember,he was your rock;he may feel as if he is letting you down.
2. Ask Dad For Help. After all that was probably his role when you were growing up wasn't it? Let him know that you are feeling overwhelmed and that you don't want to let him down. Show him your calendar filled with all of your responsibilities and ask his advice. What solutions can the two of you come up with.
3. Give him choices. No one likes to be told what to do. Educate dad about home care and other choices for senior living. Ask him if it would be okay to talk to some companies about what they can do to help.  Ask if he thinks bringing in someone 2 days a week or three would be best? Choices! Always give choices. He may not realize all of the different things a caregiver can do, such as cooking, picking up his medication and dry cleaning, taking care of a load of laundry and even walking fido if he doesn't feel up to it today.

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