<![CDATA[KathrynWatson.com - Blog]]>Fri, 24 Apr 2026 04:52:17 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[When She Asked This Question I Went Crazy]]>Wed, 25 May 2016 16:06:43 GMThttp://www.kathrynwatson.com/blog/when-she-asked-this-question-i-went-crazyPicture

Last week I was speaking at the Women, Wealth and Wisdom conference sponsored by the Texas A&M Foundation. This was the 5th year the foundation hosted this empowering conference for women and I was excited to be invited to give the morning keynote.

It was a whole day of speakers with topics and speakers talking about financial planning, estate planning and other topics to empower women to take control of their finances and their life. My talk of course, was Help! My Parents Are Aging. I talked about all of the different options that we now have for elder care in the US and more specifically in Texas.

This talk is always well received as there are so many questions people have. The eldercare system is a difficult one to navigate and often people do not know where to turn for help. This crowd was no different than others I had spoken to and had numerous questions about different situations they have encountered. 

But when this lady ask me this question, I literally went nuts! It really struck a cord with me and I wanted to empower everyone in the room with the truth. The question she asked was: "Does the hospital have the right to tell me which hospice company I can use?"

NO! NO! NO!, I screamed! You have the right always to choose whatever company you want . It is not only your right but it is your duty as the advocate for your aging parent tr spouse. The hard truth is, sometimes people in the healthcare system refer you to others for their own financial gain. The doctor who refers you may be the medical director for the hospice company. You are under no obligation to use his company.

Unfortunately, social workers, case managers and others are sometimes bribed with fancy lunches, manicures and pedicure parties for their staff and other goodies. Read: Beware of Referrals From Your Healthcare Worker 

The hospital or rehabilitation center may also own a home health agency or a hospice company and guess where they are going to refer you? Oh, they will give you three companies to choose from because that is what the law requires but you will be steered towards their company. They may say something like, " You can choose whoever you like but we already have the records. If you go with another company, you will be starting all over again." Not true!! Every company will have access to the same records.They may send someone from their hospice company to speak to you. Ask to speak to a representative from the other two companies also. It is your choice and your right! No one can take that away from you unless you allow them to.

So here is what I suggest you do. When someone recommends a particular company, ask them why they are recommending that company. They should be able to tell you some success stories or give you concrete reasons why this company is the best choice for your family.  You should also know it the hospital or rehab facility who is referring you has an affiliation with the company they are suggesting.

Don't get me wrong. There are a lot of good people in the healthcare system who really want the best for you and your family. the trouble is that all healthcare workers do not have this level of compassion and empathy.

Hospice is a very personal service and you want to have the right fit for your family. I recommend interviewing 2 or 3 to make your decision. Ask your friends if they have used a hospice company they would recommend. Ask friends on Facebook and if you keep hearing the same company multiple times, that is a good sign.

As always, Good luck on your journey!



]]><![CDATA[Mom Refused To Take A Bath]]>Wed, 13 Jan 2016 16:18:34 GMThttp://www.kathrynwatson.com/blog/mom-refused-to-take-a-bathPicture
My husband got a call from the small assisted living home my mother-in -law was living in. They were having a problem with Pat. She was refusing to take a bath. Screaming and hollering and just flat out refusing. I know that this is something that commonly occurs in dementia patients and I also know that there is often a reason for it.

This was definitely out of character for Pat. A refined lady who always prided herself in her appearance, she had never had outbursts before. Something was going on. 
So her son, my husband talked to her about the importance of taking a bath. She seemed to understand and agree to take the bath but the following morning the staff experienced the same thing.I tried talking to her to see if I could discover what was wrong and why she would not take a bath. I got nowhere.

So I sat down with the house manager to see if we could figure this out. I asked Angie to describe the scene in great detail to me from the moment that they approached Pat to take a bath. Angie told me that they always made sure the bathroom was nice and warm before attempting to bring Pat in. Once inside they would explain to her that they needed to remove her clothes and help her into the shower to bathe. Sounds good so far.

She would start screaming Angie said, " No! You are going to get my hair wet! I spent a lot of money getting my hair fixed and you are going to ruin it!"

Ah ha! There was the problem. Every week we would take Pat to the salon to get her hair done. I was wondering why her hairdo wasn't lasting! Little did I know they were washing her hair and then letting it air dry. I would be screaming too!!

Why aren't you using her shower cap when you bath her so her hair doesn't get wet I asked? She has one in her toiletry box.

We always wash the other resident's hair, she told me. I didn't think it would be a problem.

Well for this elegant lady it was a big problem. I am happy to report that now that the staff is putting the shower cap on Pat's head, bath time is no longer an issue.

Take a moment to figure out what is happening to make your loved one refuse to take a shower. You may be surprised to discover what is happening.

Find Assisted Living In Houston

Author- Kathryn Watson
Like many today Kathryn Watson was thrust into the world of Elder care with little knowledge or understanding of the industry.  The challenges she overcame led her write Help! My Parents Are Aging and Help! I Can't Do This Alone and to create a web directory for Houston families.  Find Houston Senior Care offers both resources and information to help you navigate the elder care world.
]]><![CDATA[4 Steps to Create A Happy Holiday Season]]>Sun, 20 Dec 2015 16:33:40 GMThttp://www.kathrynwatson.com/blog/4-steps-to-create-a-happy-holiday-seasonPicture

Slow Down
This time of the year most of us seem to be set on high speed. We are trying to do everything and be everything to everyone. This should be a time to slow down and reflect. Reflect on your life and the lives of those around you. Reflect on all of the good in your life and yes even if you feel like you are in a bad place right now, there is good in your life. Look for it. Reflect on how you can bring that good into the lives of others around you.

Breathe
Sounds simple. Of course you are breathing, right? The truth is most of us hold our breath when we are hurried, anxious and stressed. The breath is a wonderful gift our creator has given to each and every one of us. Start paying attention to how you are using this gift. Practicing some simple breathing exercises can drastically lower your stress levels helping you to have a very Happy Holiday Season, from Thanksgiving through the New Year day celebrations.

Embrace the Parts You Love
I love singing Christmas carols (even though I can’t carry a tune LOL), I love baking Christmas goodies and spending time with my family. I also like preparing for the New Year with the giddy excitement of a child on Christmas morning. Creating a vision board and organizing my business makes me feel empowered. What do you like?

Let Go of the Parts That Create Stress For You
You really don’t have to do everything. I stopped decorating a few years ago because I really didn’t enjoy it. I don’t think I am good at it and I find it stressful.  I love to bake though, so I make sure to save time for making Christmas goodies for families and friends.

Author- Kathryn Watson
Like many today, Kathryn Watson was thrust into the world of Eldercare with little knowledge or understanding of the industry.  The challenges she overcame led her write Help! My Parents Are Aging and Help! I Can’t Do This Alone and to create a web directory for Houston families.  Find Houston Senior Care offers both resources and information to help you navigate the elder care world. Need help- Ask An Advisor

]]><![CDATA[How Do I Know If It's Time For Memory Care?]]>Mon, 10 Aug 2015 21:33:28 GMThttp://www.kathrynwatson.com/blog/how-do-i-know-if-its-time-for-memory-careThis is a great Question! It's one caregivers ask me all the time. There are 3 key elements you need to consider to help you decide if it is time to place someone you know in a memory care facility.
]]><![CDATA[When Dad Loses His Independence]]>Mon, 23 Feb 2015 22:55:21 GMThttp://www.kathrynwatson.com/blog/when-dad-loses-his-independenceDad loses independenceWhen Dad loses His Independence
You hoped the day would never come. Your dad was always the go to person. He was the rock. Taking care of mom and everybody else. Now he needs care and is resistant. Every time you try to bring up the fact he needs help he gets angry. You are exhausted doing all of the work yourself. You are taking care of two households- his and your own because he wants to live in his own home. You understand his desire and you want to help but you are only one person trying to do everything!  Why can't he see that you need to hire someone to help? Why can't he just accept help.

The truth is dad is grieving and so are you. He has lost his independence and you have lost  you dad, the rock, the solid anchor you could always count on.


So how do you move forward. You are exhausted and cannot go on this way much longer. Here are three suggestions that may help.


  1. Bring in someone your dad respects to talk to him. It could be a trusted friend, a pastor, financial advisor or it may be one of the daughter or son-in laws that he has a special connection with. This is not the time to get territorial. If he will open up to and listen  to your sister in law more than to you, so what? Sometimes it is easier to admit that your health is failing to someone you do not have that deep connection with. Remember,he was your rock;he may feel as if he is letting you down.
  2. Ask Dad For Help. After all that was probably his role when you were growing up wasn't it? Let him know that you are feeling overwhelmed and that you don't want to let him down. Show him your calendar filled with all of your responsibilities and ask his advice. What solutions can the two of you come up with.
  3. Give him choices. No one likes to be told what to do. Educate dad about home care and other choices for senior living. Ask him if it would be okay to talk to some companies about what they can do to help.  Ask if he thinks bringing in someone 2 days a week or three would be best? Choices! Always give choices. He may not realize all of the different things a caregiver can do, such as cooking, picking up his medication and dry cleaning, taking care of a load of laundry and even walking fido if he doesn't feel up to it today.

Find Home Care in North Houston


Hire Kathryn to Help You with a Strategy and Planning Session

]]><![CDATA[When Mom Told Me I Looked Like Her Daughter]]>Thu, 19 Feb 2015 21:05:40 GMThttp://www.kathrynwatson.com/blog/when-mom-told-me-i-looked-like-her-daughterPicture
I actually chuckled and said " So tell me about this daughter." I figured I would get the inside scoop. :-) It was my weekend to spend as the caregiver for my 93 year old mom.

Mom had been suffering with dementia for a while so it really wasn't a total surprise but the truth is you never expect the day to come that your own parent doesn't recognize you. It was just plain weird.


Everyone's experience dealing with a parent with dementia is different. No two dementia patients behave alike and no two days with someone with dementia are the same. Each caregiver has a unique journey.


Mom had delusions. Sometimes it was as if she were a small child giggling and having a good time. Other times she was convinced that she had lost a baby and we had to search the house top to bottom to find the child. I searched under beds, in closets and everywhere trying to satisfy her that there was no baby.

What I learned was you simply have to go with the flow. It is what it is.

Using the same relaxation techniques I have taught others for years I discovered that I could accept and love my mother just the way she was right now. I no longer needed to hope and pray that she would get better I was content with the curiosity of what might be going on inside of that mind of hers. I began to look at each day as an adventure. what journey would I be taking as mom's caregiver today.


So when she told me I looked a lot like her daughter I sat down eager to hear what she had to say!


Get the Caregiver Support you need so you too can learn to go with the flow!
]]><![CDATA[I Really Resent My Family!!]]>Sun, 26 Oct 2014 17:11:06 GMThttp://www.kathrynwatson.com/blog/i-really-resent-my-familyPicture
"I have been caring for my aging dad for 5 years!" she told me. " Just because he doesn't live in my home doesn't mean that I am not doing a lot!"

Julie (not her real name) was frustrated. She is not alone. millions of adult children are caring for one or more aging parents who may no longer be able to drive, cook or take care of other needs they have.


Some caregivers may live with their aging parent while others may be the support needed to keep a parent in their home. Caregivers may have a parent living in an assisted living facility or nursing home and this does not mean their job as a caregiver is over-not by a long shot.


We have to be advocates for an aging parent, the voice they may no longer have. And yes all of this take time. Running errands, going to doctors appointments and trying to fit in a little quality time to make sure mom or dad feels loved.


This job usually falls on one sibling while the others have a plethora of reasons they are unable to help. To them you are just a drama queen. After all how hard is it to take dad to the doctor anyway.


After a while a caregiver finds herself becoming resentful and bitter. Watching her siblings take great vacations and enjoy life with their friends and family is frustrating especially when they have told you they : A. Don't have the money to come for a visit. or B. Cannot get the time off from work to come for a visit.


Resentment is a bitter pill to swallow. No matter how frustrated, angry and resentful you become it will not change your sibling's behavior. What it will do is make you feel horrible. That will carry over to your family and to the person you are caring for. 


What you can do is to set boundaries with your siblings. Limit your conversations. Announce that you are going on vacation. Give everyone the dates well in advance, buy your tickets and go. If your sibling's don't step up to the plate hire someone to help while you are away. Start with a weekend trip every couple of months and slowly graduate to a whole week away.


When your siblings realize that you will be leaving town and plan to hire someone they may just step up to the plate after all. Whether they do or don't it doesn't matter. What does matter is that you get  the respite you deserve.


After all Mom or Dad doesn't deserve to have a frustrated and resentful caregiver do they?


Find the respite care you need here.
]]><![CDATA[Taking Off Work to Care for Elderly Parents]]>Thu, 05 Jun 2014 14:49:55 GMThttp://www.kathrynwatson.com/blog/taking-off-work-to-care-for-elderly-parentsPicture


"My new boss is 30" she told me. "I'm not sure if she will understand that I have to take off  a half day to take mom to the doctor. By the time I pick her up, drive her over, wait, see the doctor, stop and pick up a prescription and bring her back home the afternoon is over.Then mom wants me to visit. I feel bad because I am always rushing around."


Then the Guilt Sets In


When you care for elderly parents and work and have a family of your own there is a lot of guilt! I feel guilty because I am not pulling my weight at work. Nobody has said anything yet but I know what they are thinking. I feel guilty because I am not spending quality time with mom. I am always telling her to hurry up and find myself getting irritated because she doesn't move faster. Doesn't she know I have others things to do?


And Then There's My Own Family


My husband is a dear but I know he is tired of not having any time together and I have had to rely on neighbors and friends to drive my daughter to activities because I don't dare take off any more time at work.


Is there a solution?


"Actually", I told her there is. A Home Care Company usually offers transportation services. You could pay for someone to drive your mom to the doctor, grocery store, shopping in the mall or wherever else she may need to go.  You can hire them on an as need basis or for a standing weekly trip to the grocery store. They will even help Mom unload the groceries and cook lunch if you would like. That extra half day each week= PRICELESS

Senior Helpers of North Houston offers 
3 hours of Personal Assistance + 20 miles for $59
Contact them today!

]]><![CDATA[Elderly Caring For The Elderly]]>Wed, 07 May 2014 03:24:31 GMThttp://www.kathrynwatson.com/blog/elderly-caring-for-the-elderlyPicture
 

His elderly mom lives in an independent living community. She is far from independent however. At 100 Mabel relies on her 80 year old son and a handful of caregivers to take care of her day to day needs. She is elderly but so is her son!

“He will leave when I tell him he can leave!’ Mabel shouts to the caregiver who makes the mistake of mentioning that Mabel’s son needs a break. He is not a young man anymore and by all accounts he is considered elderly. And he stays because he doesn’t want to upset mother.

This connection between a mother and her son is a special one and it is also one that some mothers take advantage of in their older years. For many women who are over 80 their life was much different than women experience today. Growing up in the 1930’s 40’s and 50’s women and men had very distinct roles in life. It was expected that a man provide a home and all comforts for his wife while she was expected to manage the home and take care of the children. Men were protectors and were expected to take care of their wife.

When that protector passes on the wife often feels lost and vulnerable. The best way to fix that vulnerability is to get a new protector. While some women may remarry solving the problem others begin to rely on their adult son to pick up the role. And the son wants to protect and care for his mom but a 60, 70 or 80 year old man needs to care for himself also. Mom doesn’t seem to realize he is elderly too.

“I thought I would get to retire and enjoy life a little” Jim told me. “But mom is constantly calling me to take her here and there. She can no longer drive because of her macular degeneration so she relies on me. I don’t want to sound selfish but I am 69 years old. I retired a year ago but now mom expects me to be at her beck and call!”

“I feel like Mom’s entertainment!” a frustrated Mark told me. “ My wife and I cannot go out alone without mom getting her feelings hurt that we didn’t include her.”

The stories are endless. When I suggest that it might be time to place mom in an assisted living or bring in some home help to solve the transportation issue I am hit with a resounding No! Mom wouldn’t go for that, they tell me. She doesn’t want strangers in her home and she doesn’t want to move.

But it’s not just about mom is it? This issue involves the whole family. When one person is no longer able to care for themselves by themselves they are no longer independent. No matter how much mom professes she is independent the truth is she is not. If her son were to have a heart attack tomorrow she would have to hire help. No if’s and’s or but’s.

And if you think a heart attack cannot happen, think again. It can and does. What would mom do if you were not able to care for her? Maybe it’s time to begin setting some boundaries with your elderly mom. Yep! She probably won’t like it but she won’t like it if you don’t show up one day because you are in the hospital either.  Give her a couple of choices. We can bring in home care or we can move you to that nice assisted living community down the street. Which one do you choose? Don’t ask which one she will like because that will open a can of worms. LOL She will not like anything but she can choose one.

Setting boundaries with your elderly mom is the compassionate thing to do for both of you.


Looking for Senior Care options in the Houston Texas area? Visit FindHoustonseniorCare.com

]]><![CDATA[Age Related Macular Degeneration and Aging in Place]]>Fri, 07 Mar 2014 22:21:39 GMThttp://www.kathrynwatson.com/blog/age-related-macular-degeneration-and-aging-in-placePicture
Age Related Macular Degeneration, referred to as AMD is the leading cause of vision loss in people age 50 and older. If you are planning on aging in place and have AMD this is a concern especially if you live by yourself.

For some people the progression of this disease is slow and happens over many years while for others the progression can be swift causing blindness in one or both eyes.

For most aging adults this disease does not cause complete blindness but can limit many of your normal daily activities. Often described as a blind spot in the center of your vision as this spot begins to grow things you may normally do like home maintenance, cooking, writing bills, etc can become difficult. And driving? Yes you will need to find an alternative method of getting to the places you need to go. Aging in place seems like a difficult task.

Staying at home may or may not be an option. If you want to age in place in your own home you will need to put aside your pride and ask for help. If you are like most people your adult children are busy with their own lives. They are working and may be busy caring for a family of their own. You hate to impose and though they may tell you it is no imposition you know that it is.

Hiring a home care company for a few hours a day a few times a week may be just the solution you need to keep you safe in your home for a while longer and maybe forever. A home care company can provide transportation, cook meals and help you arrange your home so that it is easy for you to navigate without tripping over something and falling. Sometimes a few tweaks to your furniture layout can make all the difference in the world. Aging in place can happen with a little help and planning.

You can also check with your local senior center or the Area Agency on Aging to see if there are any other transportation options where you live. Where I live there is a non-profit company that supplies volunteers to give seniors rides to doctors, grocery stores, banking and more for a very nominal fee. Check to see what is available in your neck of the woods.

I know you want to age in place in your own home but you can also age in place in an Independent Living community. At least look at a few to see what they have to offer.  Compare what it would cost to stay in your home with the extra help you need to the cost of living in a community. It may be more affordable than you think. These communities offer meals, transportation and lots of activities to engage in. You will find others with age related macular degeneration in the community to visit with. In an independent living community you will have a full apartment with a kitchen, living area and one or two bedrooms. Seriously, what more do you need?

Aging in place or moving to a community is a tough choice but it’s time to make a decision about your future while you still can. Be realistic and look at all of your options.


If you are looking for senior care help in the Houston area visit FindHoustonSeniorCare
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