There is no doubt a lot of stress is involved with taking care of your elderly parents. As people continue to live longer more and more families are having to figure out "how to take care of your parents."
I know I have been in this situation for quite a while now. My mom is 93, my mother-in law is 83. Both have their health issues including dementia. Taking care of your parents is not just stressful for you it is also stressful for the parent. Suddenly the roles are reversed and they have become dependent.
While it can be really stressful dealing with your loved ones needs and making decisions I have found what often causes the most stress is dealing with siblings. What do you do when everybody is not on the same page?
The following steps have helped me to maintain some sense of balance and relieve some of the stress. I hope they will help you also.
I know I have been in this situation for quite a while now. My mom is 93, my mother-in law is 83. Both have their health issues including dementia. Taking care of your parents is not just stressful for you it is also stressful for the parent. Suddenly the roles are reversed and they have become dependent.
While it can be really stressful dealing with your loved ones needs and making decisions I have found what often causes the most stress is dealing with siblings. What do you do when everybody is not on the same page?
The following steps have helped me to maintain some sense of balance and relieve some of the stress. I hope they will help you also.
1. Make time out for you. If you are the care giver this is #1 because if you are not taking care of yourself you will not be good for anyone else. It is like when you are in an airplane, they tell you when the oxygen mask comes down put it on yourself first. If you try to help someone else you may pass out and cannot help yourself or anyone else. Every day find time to take a walk, listen to a guided meditation, journal, pray, take a long relaxing bath or whatever really helps you to unwind both your body and your mind. Long walks outside with my dogs really help me to get my balance back and release some of the stress. The stress of being a care giver whether full or part time can have serious consequences on your health.
2. Remember everybody handles stress differently.Try to see their side. There will be some siblings that want to take charge and others who just want to bury their head in the sand. If talking always escalates into a screaming match back off- try to express your thoughts in writing instead. When emotions are charged nobody ends up hearing what the other has said. If you choose to send an email, have someone else look over it to make sure you do not convey feelings you didn't want to. Also wait a day or two before sending especially if you are feeling a lot of stress and your emotions are running high. Once the email has been sent it cannot be retracted and can be read over and over. The intention is not to hurt or upset the other person but to try and build a bridge where you can hopefully meet in the middle.
3. The most important thing to remember is taking care of your parent. If you do not have power of attorney you may have to just accept the fact that there are things you cannot change. Do your best to work with all parties involved. If you are the one with the power of attorney then you may have to be the one to make tough decisions. Know that the decisions you make will be under the scutiny of your siblings. They will not like everything you do but if you know in your heart that you are doing what is best you can live with your decision. I have been on both sides and neither is easy.
4. Let go of what others think you should be doing. Do the best you can, that is all anyone can expect of you and it is all you should expect of yourself.
2. Remember everybody handles stress differently.Try to see their side. There will be some siblings that want to take charge and others who just want to bury their head in the sand. If talking always escalates into a screaming match back off- try to express your thoughts in writing instead. When emotions are charged nobody ends up hearing what the other has said. If you choose to send an email, have someone else look over it to make sure you do not convey feelings you didn't want to. Also wait a day or two before sending especially if you are feeling a lot of stress and your emotions are running high. Once the email has been sent it cannot be retracted and can be read over and over. The intention is not to hurt or upset the other person but to try and build a bridge where you can hopefully meet in the middle.
3. The most important thing to remember is taking care of your parent. If you do not have power of attorney you may have to just accept the fact that there are things you cannot change. Do your best to work with all parties involved. If you are the one with the power of attorney then you may have to be the one to make tough decisions. Know that the decisions you make will be under the scutiny of your siblings. They will not like everything you do but if you know in your heart that you are doing what is best you can live with your decision. I have been on both sides and neither is easy.
4. Let go of what others think you should be doing. Do the best you can, that is all anyone can expect of you and it is all you should expect of yourself.
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