
"I have been caring for my aging dad for 5 years!" she told me. " Just because he doesn't live in my home doesn't mean that I am not doing a lot!"
Julie (not her real name) was frustrated. She is not alone. millions of adult children are caring for one or more aging parents who may no longer be able to drive, cook or take care of other needs they have.
Some caregivers may live with their aging parent while others may be the support needed to keep a parent in their home. Caregivers may have a parent living in an assisted living facility or nursing home and this does not mean their job as a caregiver is over-not by a long shot.
We have to be advocates for an aging parent, the voice they may no longer have. And yes all of this take time. Running errands, going to doctors appointments and trying to fit in a little quality time to make sure mom or dad feels loved.
This job usually falls on one sibling while the others have a plethora of reasons they are unable to help. To them you are just a drama queen. After all how hard is it to take dad to the doctor anyway.
After a while a caregiver finds herself becoming resentful and bitter. Watching her siblings take great vacations and enjoy life with their friends and family is frustrating especially when they have told you they : A. Don't have the money to come for a visit. or B. Cannot get the time off from work to come for a visit.
Resentment is a bitter pill to swallow. No matter how frustrated, angry and resentful you become it will not change your sibling's behavior. What it will do is make you feel horrible. That will carry over to your family and to the person you are caring for.
What you can do is to set boundaries with your siblings. Limit your conversations. Announce that you are going on vacation. Give everyone the dates well in advance, buy your tickets and go. If your sibling's don't step up to the plate hire someone to help while you are away. Start with a weekend trip every couple of months and slowly graduate to a whole week away.
When your siblings realize that you will be leaving town and plan to hire someone they may just step up to the plate after all. Whether they do or don't it doesn't matter. What does matter is that you get the respite you deserve.
After all Mom or Dad doesn't deserve to have a frustrated and resentful caregiver do they?
Find the respite care you need here.
Julie (not her real name) was frustrated. She is not alone. millions of adult children are caring for one or more aging parents who may no longer be able to drive, cook or take care of other needs they have.
Some caregivers may live with their aging parent while others may be the support needed to keep a parent in their home. Caregivers may have a parent living in an assisted living facility or nursing home and this does not mean their job as a caregiver is over-not by a long shot.
We have to be advocates for an aging parent, the voice they may no longer have. And yes all of this take time. Running errands, going to doctors appointments and trying to fit in a little quality time to make sure mom or dad feels loved.
This job usually falls on one sibling while the others have a plethora of reasons they are unable to help. To them you are just a drama queen. After all how hard is it to take dad to the doctor anyway.
After a while a caregiver finds herself becoming resentful and bitter. Watching her siblings take great vacations and enjoy life with their friends and family is frustrating especially when they have told you they : A. Don't have the money to come for a visit. or B. Cannot get the time off from work to come for a visit.
Resentment is a bitter pill to swallow. No matter how frustrated, angry and resentful you become it will not change your sibling's behavior. What it will do is make you feel horrible. That will carry over to your family and to the person you are caring for.
What you can do is to set boundaries with your siblings. Limit your conversations. Announce that you are going on vacation. Give everyone the dates well in advance, buy your tickets and go. If your sibling's don't step up to the plate hire someone to help while you are away. Start with a weekend trip every couple of months and slowly graduate to a whole week away.
When your siblings realize that you will be leaving town and plan to hire someone they may just step up to the plate after all. Whether they do or don't it doesn't matter. What does matter is that you get the respite you deserve.
After all Mom or Dad doesn't deserve to have a frustrated and resentful caregiver do they?
Find the respite care you need here.